My views on my family, and ugh..Cassie

Its official, I do believe that Skyler has gotten my sick. He has an ear infection and upper respiratory infection..and its almost always guaranteed that I'll get sick when he does, but its impossible to stay away from a sick baby, so It always happens. I try to take my vitamins everyday, and drink lots of warm drinks..but i'm not immune lol. Well here is how my day went..


Kate and I slept in and went to bed early last night. We didn't quite wake up until around 1:30pm. She got Skyler ready, and was having bad dreams about me leaving her for another girl again. I hate it when she has those dreams about me..I wonder when or if they will ever stop, because they put her in a bad mood. The haus is dirty downstairs..dishes piled, dirty laundry, the trash was overflowing, kitty litter needs changed. I don't get it.. Me, Kate, Skyler, Brian, Leah and Jeff all live in this same haus..that is five capable adults.. I work and also am pregnant.. I do what I can but I get so worn out, so my main duty is laundry. Jeff takes the trash out but only if you ask him...Leah...claims she never had to clean growing up and isn't going to start now, so that's a lost cause. Its just fucked. She lives here too, yes she may not dirty much dishes, and she usually does her own laundry, but you would think she can at least help out because she lives here rent free. She is still a child, but its no excuse..if she ever wants to grow up she needs to learn the responsibility of doing chores just like everybody else. I had to do them my whole life. Jeff is barely here, he sleeps, showers, goes to work, does his own laundry..but still a little more help would be appreciated. Brian never cleaned only if it is bad..he doesn't clean his own room. So idk whats going on there. Kate is left to clean everything, and thats not right. This is why we do well living alone, because we are clean people who like a clean haus.. we work well together. It isn't fair to us or Skyler to live like this, which is why we want to move out.. It will happen when I can afford it. Anyway, we go to Chesterfield to eat lunch with our Grandpa and Keith, we eat salad and spaghetti. I watch baseball most of the time, and Kyle starts doing dishes...then we find Leah helping him with dishes.. So Kate goes up and asks if she will help her dry the dishes at our haus, and she says no. That's a fucked up situation.. What because you have witnesses that you are doing them...is the only reason you do it? Or because of Kyle? I don't know but that was rude, you should know better. A little help around your own haus shouldn't be a problem. Kate always gets treated unfairly, by everyone it seems. No one understands her or knows how to react to her. She is a good hearted person and doesn't deserve the shit she takes from people especially her sister and family in general. I notice how everyone turns against her when we did break up. They claim they didn't like how she treated me and I deserved better, but they never took the time to get to know her. She just doesn't take peoples shit and then says something when they do something do bother her. I take her side 100% though. So we took our dvd's back to Family Video, then went to still Chillin' so I could check out the tattoo supplies. They didn't have much, I talked to the owner and he gave me a free grip, then we left. Came home, started watching Hulu, and I played Animal Crossing and started Laundry..Skyler took a few steps with our help and was overly excited :) He is cute. Now he is asleep and Kate went to hang out with Cassie and Kalynn. I don't like it but that is her sister and her ex girlfriend..I would think it would be awkward..but I guess it isn't. I can't stand Cassie, don't want to be around her and I only put up with her for Kate. It never was like this. She was alright in the beginning, then her and her girlfriend at the time started coming over to our haus and stealing from us, then I punched her girlfriend in the face, but the funny thing was I was going to go for Cassie, but ended up hitting Crystal. Anyway after that she disowned Kate for three years..this happened in 2007, so in 2010 Cassie came back into Kates life after her and Crystal broke up. I was against it, but Kate figured she owed it to Cassie because they are sisters..anyways, at that time Cassie was dating this and that girl and this and that guy, found more trouble and then I don't know they fought and such...this goes on all the time. Cassie moved in with Kate's "dad" John for a while and I don't know really I didn't pay attention. Even so we always helped her out, gave her rides and stuff..then she eventually got with this girl Bobbi...they were together for 2011 pretty much, and Cassie disappeared again out of Kate's life, then me and Kate had our separation, then she spent alot of time with Cassie. Then kate and I got back together and here we are. Cassie was homeless, we took her in and she screwed us on the payments she promised to pay, then was never here, pretty much used us as storage, then found another girl to mooch off...Kalynn...which was Kate's ex but just for like three days, but still.. Cassie always dates Kate's ex's..which is just wrong in the book of morals. I would never do that to my brother and we aren't even close. Then she went back to being all about her woman and never spending time with her sister and treating her like shit, so I told Kate I was done supporting her involvement with Cassie. She may be her sister, but family members don't treat family members like that. All she is good for is drama and causing problems.. Our son shouldn't be around her nor Kate..but that's my opinion. I do admit Kate was happy during the three years they didn't see each other, didn't miss Cassie or even bring her up..she didn't care. That's how you know the bridge is burned and there is nothing left. Blood doesn't mean anything to me, just because someone is blood and treats you like shit and has no respect for you, doesn't mean you have to still be fair or even let them in your life.. once we up and move away, I know we won't have to deal with anyone's shit, her family or even mine. My family doesn't have much involvement with me or my family so I know I won't be missed and that's me being honest. I do envy some people who have mothers who are there or overbearing sometimes, or have a dad who is overprotective. I know my life would be alot different and I would have avoided alot of mistakes if I had someone dependable to talk to me or steer me in the right direction growing up. Dealing with puberty alone with no mother and a father who didn't care..was tough..so I self taught myself..I see how no supervision affects a child.. Kids need that discipline. But my parents were addicted to things and they always seemed to put their needs in front of ours, I never felt like I had a stable home, or stable caregivers, I just always felt like I only had myself to take care of me and Kyle...but it all did change once I met Kate :) She was the first person to tell me no lol. I needed it because when she met me I didn't care..I only cared about myself and my job, and now I can't live without her. She has been the only stable woman in my life since my mother left me when I was 13... so I went 6 years being around guys, Brian, Kyle and all of his friends. I told Skyler the other day...you know I know I am your mother, but I have no real idea how to be one, I mean I know what I would want a mother to be like to me, and what one should do...so I'll try. I'm better equipped to be a father, lol. Ah the conversations I have with him are interesting. Watching movies and tv always make me wonder how it would be like to have a brother who actually wants to do things with me, or a father that would like to do things..and a mother that is there to talk to.. I don't know any of them, and when I did try...they showed no interest or blew me off, so I gave up on them last year. It may be wrong to give up on your family, but I've been trying for 25 years and If that isn't devotion then I don't know. I think Brian just wants me to get out on my own so he can enjoy his last years...I mean my little brother lives on his own. I've tried and tried but things happened.. so I am here and it makes me feel horrible honestly. My mother lives states away and does her own thing and has been living kid free for 11 years now..I call that abandonment..but she seems happy there with her own family. I can't wait to leave this nest that is falling apart and full of bad memories..I'll never come back here... 


Well I've been rambling lol. I'm going to go make some tea and check on the laundry. Kate I love you soo much and I hope you know and feel that everyday :) Skyler thank you for making me a better person, I love you. And New baby who decided not to show us what you are yet..I love you too and thanks for being here and wanting to join our little family :)

My thoughts of today

I am. I am alot of things. Randi, Baby, Mommy, I don't feel like a daughter, or a sister to be honest. I think of my family..and I only see Kate and Sky and the new baby.. Is that a bad thing? I would possibly consider the rest of my immediate "family" my family but I don't have much interaction with them. Colleen is in South Dakota with her whole family, Brian lives in this same haus with us..but he doesn't feel related. They are more, if I'm in trouble, or hurt or something..they step in..but other than that they are in idle.. Eh.. lol I do have a brother..but I don't know Kyle, he doesn't know me and I don't think that will ever change.


That has been on my mind. Just because I think of the future of my family and I couldn't imagine having that gap between my children and I.. I would never want to move states away while they were growing up, or just go to work, come home and watch television all day.. There would be so much missed time and moments that define someone. I can't think about ever doing that..and I don't see how they could. I think I was the product of two people who weren't ready to be parents. But I love me and I wouldn't change a thing :)


I'm most likely going to enroll in Kaplain College for IT. I miss the Art Institute of Indianapolis..but I can't afford it. I love that school and I will go back to it when I can afford it again. I'm happy that James is still going. I am proud of you sir! I stay out of trouble and stay on the right path when I am keeping busy. Idle hands get me in trouble or mixed up with the wrong crowd if you know what I mean. I have no room for mistakes. Being 25 and having a 14 month old and another baby on the way, plus taking care of my fiance' and finances..doesn't leave me with time to mess up. Their lives depend on me. I strive to be successful in life and I'm glad I have importunity in life. I work 3 jobs technically, but my demo job at ASM is completely random.. I was working 4 day weeks then all of a sudden for the last 3 weeks...nothing. I work part time at Vermillion place for minimun wage, and that is my biggest check. Ugh. I also have my job at Treasure Point, but I have no set schedule and no guarantee on hours..but its still something. I hope things will pan out and more income will start flowing. 


Well on a lighter note, I have restarted doing my yoga practice and meditation. I have been doing it for 4 out of 5 days. I missed one day because I worked all day and got tired. It relieves my stress and makes me feel great, plus it gives a spark to me and Kate ;) hehe. Times have been great! I am trying to prevent any complications with this pregnancy this time around. I am not going to die. Well I think this is a great first blog..so thanks for reading. I love you Kate, Sky and New Baby. We will get to see what you are tomorrow :)